first of all...

Helloo!!
to you whoever read this now

first of all,
sorry for my bad english
I'm not from any of english speaking country.


I'm just a man, or perhaps.. just still a little boy for my childishness
I'm now 21 anyway

at the first, I'm don't ever think to write this all in a blog like this
I thought this is just another childish things or maybe a she-she thing to do(I'm normal anyway)
but after all,
I realize that I'm REALLY need to let go something that I just hard to tell it to my friends in the real life
because, I just don't have any chance to tell them straightly
it's hard for me to telling something that personally stuck in my mind(or heart.. whatever)

anyway, I'm now just a student
yeah, just another peaceful university student which has a terrible thing stuck on my mind
but recently I'm in progress of making the final project a.k.a scripting
Oh, and I'll spill out some of the things that stuck at my mind here
I'm still fell guilty for I'm still cannot making money in my this age
I mean jobs.. event a side job.. I still even cannot find it

I have a really nice family which is consist of a super rarely kind hearted father, a mom that always love you whoever you are, grandpa and grandma which always care about you, and a crazy mad sister(you know what I mean)
yeah, as you can read,
I have a really good nice family
but, I'm just really can't feel grateful
not even once
why?? you will know when I'm talking about friendship

when I was in elementary school, I was rarely to have friends
yeah, all the time I'm just go to school for study, and then I'm go back home
all the time..
I'm likely to used to be alone in the school
also I'm not used to be much talking in the class.
when I was in the junior high school, I was used to be always in the same class whit the school punk gangs
I used to be scared with my geeky personality
I the fact, if I'm doing anything funny even a little
they will start to mock me or gang bully me
that's made me more to be a silent geeky person
also, I don't really have friends here
then my mom notice that I have no friends
she's being likely to ask me to hang out with her because I'm lonely
I knew that mom!
that's why I don't want to hang out with you that days
I thought that if I'm likely hang out with my mom, since I don't have any friends
what will my classmates think about me if they know that??
I'm just a noobs right??
they will think that I'm more like to hang out with my mom rather than with them
what a mommy boy! sucks!!
nah, the truth is not I'm like to hang out with my mom rather than with you guys
the fact is, I just dunno how to made friends with you guys without being just like you guys!
understand??!

then I'm in High school
at first, I thought that it'll be just like junior high
but, hey! I met my best friends here
but still,
I'm still a silent person in general
I'm still cannot talk much here, even with my best friends
and yeah, in high school there are a lots of memories
from the happy memories till the saddest memories
the happy part is in high school, that is the first time I have ever felt how it's really to have friends
the first time I have ever hang out with friends
the first time I have ever making noises in the class
the first time I have ever make fun of the teachers with friends
the saddest part is....
I'll tell it someday in this blog
surely, because it's a big piece of something that stucks in my mind

then now, it's the collage time
the university timeline
lot's of things happened here
it's kinda big pole in my life
but I'll tell the details later
because it's will be the main content of this blog



that's all for the first words in this blog

thanks to you whoever read this now :D
see ya later